Blonde and Blonder

Release date: 18 January 2008 (USA)

There are dreadful movies we watch simply because in being so awful there is a redeeming factor in seeing them through to the end. These movies are often termed ‘campy’ and reward the viewer despite the embarrassment they were ever made. Blonde and Blonder is no such a movie. Dreadful from start to finish, it is a sad vehicle for Pamela Anderson’s breasts and ego. Worse, director Dean Hamilton and writers Gerry Anderson and Rolfe Kanefsky in trying to be funny only succumb in being mean, obnoxious and insulting. Anderson’s breasts star as Dee Twiddle to Denise Richard’s Dawn St. Dom, two blondes with nary a brain betwixt them, who end up getting confused as international mob killers. While the film does have high production value (a compliment I’m using to find at least one redeeming thing to say here), Blonde and Blonder is an embarrassment to every single person involved in its production. And is often the fact with such tripe, sadly, a sequel is currently in the works.

My rating 1 out of 10.

Young People F*cking

Release date: 6 September 2007 (Toronto International Film Festival)

This film is what its title says; the stories of four couples (and one manage-a-tois) f***king. Each is a couple in transition but isn’t that true of all of us? And being in transition, the young stars are sweet, vulgar, mean, loving and frisky. Young People F*king works because of this and shows each of us, its viewers, some image of our own lives and loves. Never pornographic, it starts well before stalling mid-point (dare I say becoming boring despite its title) but climaxes well. Not for kids.

My rating 6 out of 10.

Angels & Demons

Release date: 7 May 2009 (Tokyo, Japan)

Reputedly anti-Catholic, this Dan Brown populist mystery-in-the-box is sadly anything but. Too long yes; preposterous yes; predictable yes. Directed by the redheaded-(now bald)-child-actor-who-thinks-he-can-direct, Ron Howard, the movie follows the world’s greatest symbologist who apparently can only translate select bits of Italian and Latin?, Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks), as he follows clues left by the Illuminati in a tug of war between the Church and science. Supported by an is-he-good-or-is-he-bad Camerlengo (a decent Ewan Mcgregor), Langdon spends the oh-so-long two-and-a-half hours Howard provides him zipping around Rome arriving 2 minutes late each time to prevent the death of another Cardinal. Sigh. Has the world’s greatest Catholic symbologist never been to Rome before? Sigh. If you can suspend reality wholly and enjoy lame preachy speeches, leaps of logic, and the notion a group of old celibate men have the right to speak on our behalf, let alone dictate how we should live our lives, then Amen, you’ll think this movie is like the Second Coming itself.

My rating 5 out of 10.

Sanxia haoren (aka Still Life)

Release date: 12 September 2006 (Toronto International Film Festival)

Directed by the Zhang Ke Jia, Still Life contrasts the anything-but-still reality of a city, Fenjiie, being systematically dismantled in preparation for the Three Gorges Dam with the submerged lives of two former citizens, whose quietude in the face of actions they should have taken years previously launches new emotional ripples. The juxtaposition of these two motifs within the movie is perfectly portrayed and reveal a subtlety in Chinese culture we in the West have difficulty understanding. One, a coalminer Han Sanming comes looking for his ex-wife and daughter; the other, Shen Hong (Tao Zhao) to hunt down a husband absent from home for two years. In their interactions with the current citizens of the town they learn the meaning of loss and connection and what’s necessary to keep, and cast off, in order to continue.

A beautiful film that rewards the viewer with an understanding of the power of reflection, Still Life gets my rating of 8 out of 10.

Sleuth (2007)

Release date: 30 August 2007 (Venice Film Festival)

Director Kenneth Branagh takes a decidedly Peter Greenaway approach to this remake of the 1972 classic starring Michael Caine and Lawrence Olivier. In this version, Michael Caine takes on Olivier’s role, playing Andrew Wyke, the British author with attitude whose wife has left him for a younger man, actor Milo Tindle (played by Jude Law). When Andrew invites Milo to his sprawling estate an intricate battle of cat and mouse ensues as the two men scheme to out think each other and plan each other’s murder. Anthony Shaffer’s great play is spun a little more tightly in Harold Pinter’s screenplay and the film works well for its first and second acts. Caine and Law are excellent and Branagh’s stark framing and perfect score play well with the witty and cutting dialogue. While certainly not as good as its original, Sleuth has enough atmosphere and intrigue to keep you interested despite its rather flat ending.

My rating 7 out of 10.

Paris 1919

Release date: 1 April 2009 (France)

Directed by Paul Cohen, and based on the wildly popular novel by Margaret MacMillan (I say wildly popular, but I'm an historian by training so take that as you may), this docudrama merges archival footage with live action to demonstrate the difficult art of peacemaking that was the Treaty of Versailles that ended World War I. When the armistice was signed on November 11, 1918 the world powers met in Paris not so much to make peace but punish Germany. American President Wilson knew a different sort of peace was necessary and came armed with his League of Nations proposal, but in the end the old ways of Europe prevailed and the Treaty was little more than a land grab for England, France, Italy, Japan and the United States and a brutalizing penalty for the German people in the form of war reparations. Paris 1919 is fascinating look at a time none of us should forget, and a prime example of how we, as humans, never seem to learn the lessons of war.

My rating 8 out of 10.

Rembrandt's J'accuse

Release date: 27 November 2008 (Netherlands)

Super artsy director Peter Greenaway gives us his edition of the DaVinci Code with Rembrandt in the starring role and his famous painting - the fourth most famous painting in the western world we're told by Greenaway - The Night Porter, front and centre in a tale of murder among Amsterdam's military elite in the 17th century. The documentary recounts 30 evidentiary pieces of a puzzle found within the painting that purportedly point to murder, cover-up, a homosexual relationship and revenge. While it is all very intriguing and is certainly perfectly visually constructed as only Greenaway’s can do, Rembrandt’s J’accuse falls short. The documentary is slow and had me nodding a couple of times, I think a failure of the documentary’s non-linear construction and the fact there’s just too many characters to get your head around. Yet, read as a sly comment by Greenaway on our inability to see the forest for the trees, and worse, our tendency to take things at face value rather delve beneath the obvious messaging, Rembrandt’s J’accuse does make one go ‘hmmmm’.

My rating 5 out of 10.

The End of the Line

Release date: 12 June 2009 (United Kingdom)

Blatantly biased, sure, but The End of the Line makes for compelling viewing for all piscivores and ought to change your habits when buying or ordering seafood. Directed by Rupert Murray and based on Charles Clover’s novel of the same name, it traces our impact on the oceans of the world and how, if we continue our current ways, our children will live in a world completely void of fish by 2048. None. Gone. Finished. The message here is clear and succinct and supported by science and demands we each, individually, make a moral decision when sallying up to the fish counter at the grocers. While it’s a lot of doom and gloom, and while you’ll never look at the Mitsubishi Company with any degree of respect again, there is hope. The End of the Line does equip you to be a more knowledgeable piscivore by simply asking questions before you order or buy fish. I for one am hooked on the idea.

My rating 7 out of 10.

The Red Chapel

Release date: 5 May 2009 (Toronto International Hot Docs Film Festival)

A documentary that offers bang for your buck on several levels, the Red Chapel’s initial pretext is a cultural exchange between a small Dutch theatre group and the totalitarian state that is North Korea. The theatre troupe is headed by the documentary’s director Mads Brügger and comprises two Danish/Korean comedians, Simon and Jacob, who is disabled. As they land in Pyongyang they are ferried about by the capital by a very motherly government handler as they prepare for their performance at the National Arts Centre. What follows though is an incisive look inside a brutal regime that begins to take its toll on the teenaged Jacob as he learns other disabled children in the country are simply killed at birth or moved to camps in the wildness. With moments of hilarity clearly lost in translation between the Dutch and Koreans, moving emotion, and cutting commentary on what remains the most horrific military state on the planet, The Red Chapel is a must see. Book a ticket.

My rating 9 out of 10.

Children of God

Release date: 5 May 2009 (Toronto International HotDocs Film Festival)

South Korean Seung-jun Yi directs this lyric and emotional look at a group of young boys in the Kathmandu capital of Nepal who survive by fishing the detritus of Hindis cremated on the steps Pashupatinath Temple on the banks of the Bagmati River. In particular we come to know 12-year-old Alesh and his younger brother and sister. Their mother works the streets as a beggar herself, caring more for alcohol than her children and it is the middle son who acts as a family broker. Alesh is drawn to the livelier streets downtown where money is easier had but falls into glue sniffing with his small troop. Children of God is a difficult documentary to watch, yet remains strangely moving as we see these youngsters with very adult perspectives, living between heaven and hell.

My rating 8 out of 10.

Gin gwai (aka The Eye)

Release date: 9 May 2002 (Hong Kong)

Directed by the Pang brothers, The Eye is a psychological thriller that takes the case of donated corneas to new depths. The story centres on blind Wong Kar Mun (Angelica Lee) who starts seeing all sorts of creepy things after receiving a donated pair of corneas from a young Thai woman considered evil by her villagers. Disturbed by what she is seeing – you think! – she enlists the help (and love) of Dr. Wah (Lawrence Chou) and together they begin to unravel the mystery. There are some great slow and eerie scenes here - particularly when Wong Kar Mun finds herself in an elevator with a ghost - and some genuine shock-the-hell-out-of-you moments. The acting is solid and the soundtrack, mirroring Mun’s profession as a violinist, is pitch perfect. The Pangs lay on the doom far too thickly at the end yes, but their film-making is solid and proof the best horror directors know how to get you scared: by delivering frights without the gore.

My rating 6 out of 10.

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Romeo & Juliet

Release date: 25 September 1968 (France)

Franco Zeffirelli directed this excellent version of Shakespeare's classic tale of romance and tragedy, a synopsis for which is hardly necessary. It starred two relatively unknowns, Leonard Whiting (as Romeo) and Olivia Hussey (as Juliet), a very young Michael York (as Tybalt), and no less than Lawrence Olivier doing the voice over. The film is successful thanks to Zeffirelli’s direction which is bold and immediate and full of mobs and passion and young nudity and even handheld camera work (shocking for 1968). We believe these youngsters truly love each other and despite Hussey’s irritating inability to cry with any degree of belief (a failure mimicked by Claire Danes in Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 Romeo & Juliet effort), the film brings Shakespeare to life like few films ever have. Shakespeare would approve me thinks.

My rating 7 out of 10.

In Bruges

Release date: 17 January 2008 (Sundance International Film Festival)

While the genre of a hitman charged by his boss of offing another hitman has been done previously, never has it been done with such gusto (by which I mean violence), oddness, and heart - yes heart - as director Martin McDonagh's version, In Bruges. When the new-hitman-on-the-block, Ray (Colin Farrel in excellent form), ends up botching his first hit and murders not only his target, Father so-and-so, but also a young boy his boss Harry (Ralph Fiennes) sends him and his older, wiser, more experienced mentor-hitman, Ken (Brendan Gleeson) to Bruges, Belgium to recoup. But Harry's just trying to be kind and show Ray a city he adores before ordering Ken to off the lad for killing a boy (hitmen have a code it seems and killing little boys is high on their ten commandment list of no-nos). What results when Ken defies his boss and lets Ray free is funny, tragic, honest and - gory violence aside - worth the ride. In Bruges is one of those oh-too-rare films that demonstrates what can result when the perfect cast, the perfect location and the perfect script come together: magnificent film-making with a message that goes deeper then its violence, and if you pardon the pun (if you've seen the movie) dwarfs all others in its class.

My rating 9 out of 10.

Extras (Season 2), Episodes 1-3

Release date: 21 July 2005 (UK)

Back in 2005 the BBC premiered this hilarious comedy based on the life of an out of work actor, Andy Millman (Ricky Gervais) who takes to doing movie 'extra' work for a living. The reality is Andy has a passion for acting but no talent for speaking. These first three wonderful episodes have Ben Stiller, British actor Ross Kemp, and the one and only Kate Winslet playing themselves (though way over the top). The comedy here is British and on the edge of taste at times but believable nonetheless as you can see ordinary folks making such gaffs.

Well worth a rent, Extras gets my rating of 9 out of 10.

Control

Release date: 17 May 2007 (Cannes Film Fest)

Directed my music video director, Anton Corbijn, this biopic shot in beautiful black and white, recounts the rise of the post-punk band, Joy Division, and specifically on its lead singer, Ian Curtis (played with perfection by newcomer Sam Riley). As a major Joy Division groupie in my own day, I was keen to see this film and watch the band's rise from the obscurity that was Macclesfield, England to the eve of their first US concert tour when, sadly, Curtis committed suicide at age twenty-three. The film is based on Deborah Curtis' (Ian's wife) novel Touching from a Distance, which is an apt starting point for understanding Curtis who was genuinely odd and kind but who had lost control as his success mounted, his young daughter grew-up, his epilepsy worsened, and the guilt of his extramarital affair buried itself deeper and deeper. Control is a fair recounting of a young man, the music he left us, and the demons he fought, and ultimately loss his life to.

My rating 8 out of 10.

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Grave of the Fireflies (aka Hotaru no haka)

Release date: 16 April 1988 (Japan)

This 1988 anime film, written and directed by Isao Takahata is based on the semi-autobiographical novel by Akiyuki Nosaka, and is one of the most moving and profound examples on film of the sickeningly vileness that is war. Set in Kobe at the end of World War II Seita and his four year old sister, Setsuko, survive the America firebombing of the city that kills their mother. With their father in battle on the high seas, the brother and sister initially take refuge with an aunt until she makes it clear her interests come above her niece and nephew's. Seita and Setsuko opt to leave the house and move to an abandoned shelter on the edge of the city. There Seita does his best to be mother, brother and friend to Setsuko - allowing her to continue to live the life a four year old ought to. Sadly, as the war continues and despite Seita's best efforts, their access to food dwindles and Setsuko succumbs to malnutrition. Grave of the Fireflies is hauntingly beautiful to watch with not a frame or moment out of place. It is stunning both in its sadness and its message. In the film's first few frames, and again in its last few moments, it captures the anguish of war like few films ever have. A resolutely important film - even today - and one you ought to run out to rent. It will wilt your heart.

My rating 9 out of 10.

The Other Boleyn Girl

Release date: 15 February 2008 (Berlin International Film Festival)
Overwrought scenes in the hands of director Justin Chadwick don't help us understand the star of this set-piece on a topic that's been done, pardon the pun, to death: the life and love, trials and tribulations of King Edward VIII's second wife, Anne Boleyn (a dreadful Natalie Portman). The twist in this telling is Anne's sister, Mary (played with typical style by Scarlett Johannson). It's all very Tudor and - yawn - predicable. There was a nugget of a story here in the rivalry between Anne and Mary for the affections of his-royal-pain-in-the-butt, Henry (Eric Bana), but the edge is lost by cumbersome dialogue and a plodding foreshadowing. Despite the dullness throughout, kudos to Kristen Scott Thomas for her fine work as Anne and Mary's mother, Lady Elizabeth, and Ana Torrent as Katherine of Aragon (her minute before Henry as the schism arrives is worth the rent alone).

Pretty costumes and some nifty visuals of life in the 15th century England land it my rating of 6 out of 10.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Release date: 17 May 2008 (Cannes Film Festival)

This gorgeous tome on the vagrancies of love, directed by the one and only Woody Allen, stars Javier Bardem (as Juan Antonio, the anything goes Spanish artist), Scarlett Johannson (as Cristina, the anything goes wannabe photographer who feels she's less artist than artist voyeur), Rebecca Hall (as Vicky, the straightlaced I-know-how-my-life-is-going-to-turn-out wife with a secret in her closet) and Penelope Cruz (as Maria Elena, as the over-the-top-artist with issues). Set - surprise, surprise - in Barcelona one summer it has our foursome sorting out their feelings and notions of love amid art, Gaudi and plenty of drama. And while a tad self-indulgent in true Allen form, I loved every moment of the adventure. It is perfectly filmed and while I can't agree that Penelope gives us an Oscar-worthy performance, there is enough fodder here in the witty dialogue alone to have you questioning your own relationship(s).

For that alone, my rating 8 out 10.

Strictly Ballroom

Release date: May 1992 (Cannes Film Festival)

Long before there was So You Think You Can Dance or Dancing With the Stars there was Baz Luhrmann's first movie, the 1992 Strictly Ballroom. Paul Mercurio stars as Scott Hastings, the ballroom dancing son of a ballroom couple who has to face up to his parents pressure to win the Australian Pan Pacific Championship dancing title, even though all he wants to do is introduce new steps to the stodgy contest. When his partner deserts him tired of his shenanigans, Scott takes up with the dance studio wannabie Fran (played by Tara Morice) and two begin a timid romance amid the practicing. Its interesting to see this movie all these years on as even back then, you can see Luhrmann's unique style and his wonderful joive de vivre for life and love. Strictly Ballroom is a feel good movie, more fun and fabulous then its predecessor Dirty Dancing, with dancing from start to finish and quirky, adorable characters.

For the sheer frivolity of it all, and seeing character Tina Sparkle do her stuff, my rating 8 out of 10.

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress (aka Xiao cai feng)

Release date: 16 May 2002 (Cannes Film Festival)

This semi-autobiographical love story, written and directed by Sijii Dai, recounts the story of two bourgeoise teenaged boys - Luo (Kun Chen) and Ma (the oh-so-handsome Ye Lui) - sent to the country for reeducation during the Chinese Cultural Revolution. There, amid mountains and peasants, they eke out a tough living, constantly having to justify their upbringing, finding new ways to amuse themselves, and spending long days doing heavy labour. When they spy on girls from a neighbouring village bathing in a waterfall, Luo is instantly in love with the granddaughter of the village tailor, dubbed 'the little chinese seamstress' (Xun Zhou). Stealing a stash of foreign books, he and Ma begin reading to her each day in hopes of both educating her and wooing her. It works and soon, our Chinese seamstress is pregnant just as Luo is granted a two month leave of absence to care for his ailing father in the city. Set among the mountains later flooded to make way for the Three Gorges Dam, Xiao cai feng is a beautiful, romantic, comic treatise on the power of music and literature to change people, and the reality that we are creatures of our upbringing, reeducation or not. With a sad yet moving coda, and despite its blatant political bent, Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress is one not to miss.

My rating 8 out of 10.